SkyMall

One can no longer find SkyMall in the back of a seat pocket. I'm sure everyone is aware, and if you aren't, shame on you; SkyMall WAS perhaps the most fun you could ever have on an airplane. At 30,000 feet it was possible to shop for solar powered cooling hat, cat steps, or a jumbo sized gumball machine. I don’t know what you would do with these items when you landed, but after 3 scotches, an inflatable remote controlled flying monkey sure seems like fun. You could walk into a little persons convention and play "Wizard Of Oz". These are the thoughts I had while reading SkyMall, usually while drunk.

I can't think of anything more strange than buying a luxury stairway for your hairless cat, except maybe having a giant gumball machine on display in your kitchen. When you go to Cotsco and purchase a barrel of giant gum balls for $11.99, do you really want to have to pay an additional quarter every time you want a piece of gum? I don't know if you could consider SkyMall Magazine a luxury airplane item, but considering now that there's nothing to read except for the safety card of death, I would consider it pampering.

I suppose if you have nothing to read and you are a neurotic person you can look at the airplane safety card over and over and over. PS – I have done this. My favorite drawing is always the cartoon people leisurely floating on the big yellow raft in the ocean – looking quite complacent. It makes me laugh. I think to myself "I'd rather die in an airplane crash than be trapped on a raft in the middle of the Pacific next to you, Chatty Charlie. PS PS I am also angry at Southwest that they have only charged you for one seat, despite the fact that you, my good sir, should be required to buy two. The mere thought that I would be trapped on the raft with you, listening to you rant on about, oh, I don't know, the discontinuation of SkyMall Magazine - it makes me want to kill myself. In fact I hope our plane crashes into that mountain before we land in Baltimore.