This news report is NOT brought to you (nor sponsored) in ANY WAY by Disney. They could sue me for tens of pennies…..
SHARE SHARES – SHARE NEWS -
Last evening, in an act of protest against North Carolina's Anti-Gay constitutional amendment, Disney characters from around the globe gathered for the first annual "Animated Intervention of Disney Stars" - or A.I.D.S. for short. Disney characters lined up outside Canter's Deli on Fairfax Ave beginning at seven p.m. Pacific time to rally and "throw down" against the "evil Carolina forces". Mass picketing took place, Disney stars from all walks of life - princess', princes, kings, queens, tutu'd hippopotamus', ladies, tramps, and giant octopi were all seen at one point or another during the rally. Overall, the rally was a tour-de-force protest and hopefully the word has spread that discrimination in any form (except against swamp ogres) is just plain wrong.
The rally continued throughout the evening hours peacefully and without incident until the notoriously shifty Ms. Cruella de Vil Sr. abducted a dog walker's cocker spaniel during an evening stroll. Soon after the incident the protest was shut down by West Hollywood officials. De Vil was later seen in a West Hollywood county jail cell, along with her allied co-stars Malificent and Yzma, who had both been subsequently arrested for jay walking and suspicion of controlled substances.
Disappointingly, a few A-List celebrities were nowhere to be seen. Member of the fab five and Mickey Mouse Club star, "Mr. Goofy Disney" was not in attendance. According to his own account, Goofy took the bus the wrong direction and wound up in Inglewood. When we caught up to him later at Yogurt Stop, he simply replied, "Aww, shucks".
Also missing from the rally was Princess Rapunzel.
We were told by a flock of little birds that she missed the entire event because she was, "too busy doing her hair". Finally, Dumbo the elephant was no-where to be seen, still clinging to those old-fashioned Republican values. Share News sent hard pinching reporter Sebastian the Crab to the Rally to gather comments from which will be broadcast at a later date on ABC.
Sebastian Mc.Bubbles first interview was with the lovely Mrs.Cindy Ella held just before she dashed out of the protest at 11:59. Oddly, Cindy was in a huge rush to leave and her foot was bleeding. Since her humble days as a housemaid, she has since traded in the pumpkin for a Beemer and she is a trophy wife/supporter of gay rights. She offered Mr. Sebastian a glimpse into a life vastly improved by a homosexuals, yet one in which they are still treated as second class citizens.She did offer commentary before dashing out. Below is the transcript….
(Cont'd)
Sebastian - Ms. Ella, you have experienced constant discrimination since your father died. You were pale, ashy and humble. You were forced to scrub floors and wash windows, and yet, you were not even Hispanic. You did not fit into any group. Like the gays, you must have felt like an outsider. How does the recent passing of this constitutional amendment make you feel?
Sebastian - Thank you Cindy. Always a pleasure. Secondly, we are going to the host with the most that lovable blue queenie - The Genie.
Genie – Good evening Sebastian. Aren't you looking crabby?
Genie – I said you're pretty, Bert.
Bert – Oh, thank you.
Genie – Oh yeah, so the whole thing is horribly disappointing and totally unfair. I've been blue for days.
Sebastian – Thank you Genie. And now, we go to my former lover and that fish-tailed ginger, Ariel The Mermaid.
Sebastian - Hello my pet! How are you managing with the rally chant seeing as how with you were recently diagnosed with vocal nodes? Is it hampering your ability to fight for gay rights?
Ariel – (SINGS) LALALAAAAHHHH LALALALAHHHH, LALALALALALALAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!
Sebastian – Can't talk, much less chant. But you can still sing. Good for you honey. Keep fightin'! For those of you who aren't aware, in summer 2013 Ariel is pairing up with Cher and Bette Middler for the Final Final Final Farewell Tour.
Later that evening Sebastian had the pleasure of teaming up with the village's favorite hermit not crab – Belle.
Sebastian – Good evening Madame. Aren't you looking strange, but special…
Belle – Good morning Mr. Crab. I've come to chant for the gay rights people deserve.
Sebastian – It's nearly midnight. Aren't you tired of doing that yet?
Belle – Oh, but I can't stop. Hateful Republicans, corrupt politicians, a president who constantly changes his views…
Sebastian – If you like it all that much, you should consider taking office
Belle – Thank you, thank you very much. I actually considered running for office last year, but I don't think I'd do so well. I mean, I got a lot of backlash a few years ago during that whole bestiality scandal. You know the voters will use that as fodder. People will say, "She married a beast, next thing you know, she'll legalize gay marriage". I don't think it bodes well for the platform. The Southerners will surely think everyone wants to partner themselves with a big ole' bear. Come to think of it, some gays do, but that's beside the point….
Sebastian – Thank you Belle, always a pleasure. Next up, I gabbed with everyone's favorite Diva, Ms. Piggy.
Ms. Piggy – Merci, merci. Kissy, kissy.
Sebastian – Ms. Piggy, I'm surprised to see you here! I heard you were busy shooting the sequel to the Muppets movie….
Ms. Piggy – Well, actually, I was on the way to Canters just to get some pie, and I thought, eh, what the heck? Why not?
Sebastian – So, you didn't actually know there was a rally going on?
Ms. Piggy – Moi? No. It gets a little risky when I go out in public. Especially since the recent trend for eating Organic Bacon. And the paparazzi. But, now that I'm here, I have to say I think it's super important to educate the public. My fans. Some day, I plan to marry love of my life, Kermie the frog. Everyone asks us, "When are we going to tie the knot?". It's been years. I cry myself to sleep most nights. Everyone assumes Kermie has commitment issues and I'm a control freak. What they don't know Sebastian, is that in most states, it is illegal for a pig to marry a froggy even though we've been in love for decades. There are so many rights we aren't privilege to because we aren't married. If I wind up in the hospital with Swine Flu for example, my dear Kermie is not even allowed to visit me. It's criminal.
Sebastian – I'm sorry to hear that Mrs. Piggy. Thank you for your time.
Ms. Piggy – Welcome. Now please excuse me, there's a fresh apple pie with my name on it right through those doors.
Share News decided that it was also important to gain some perspective from some of the perhaps, less celebrated Disney characters. Here we have Friar Tuck, priest of Sherwood Forest, friend of Robin Hood.
Sebastian – Good evening Friar Tuck. Do you have anything to help appease the so-called "bible thumpers".
Friar Tuck – You can't pick and choose what the bible says and only follow certain rules and not abide by others. Ursula, Scar, Jafar and Hades. They're are all here tonight. They didn't necessarily follow the rules. But they weren't really sinners. Essentially, they were all just flamboyant individuals, misunderstood by the public. Later in life, they were all optioned for sequels and made millions…
Sebastian – I'm not sure I follow...
Friar Tuck – Jesus teaches us to love all.
Sebastian – Oh. I see. Well, thank you for your time.
Friar Tuck – Bless you my son.
Sebastian – Amen. Oh look, here's the Snow Queen. Snow Queen do you have any any thoughts on fighting for gay rights?
Snow Queen – No, not really. I'm just here because of the antique shop next door is having a sale. I needed a new mirror. Move!
Sebastian – Whoa. Someone's on the rag. Finally, we interviewed that lovable African warthog, Pumba. Pumba do you care to make any final comments before I wrap this up?
Pumba – HAKUNA MATATA!
Sebastian – Well, there ya have it folks, "Hakuna Matata". No worries for the rest of your days. I'm sure some evil conservatives will disagree seeing as how gays are allegedly going to rape your children, but that's neither here nor there.
In conclusion, Share Shares would like to thank Sebastian the crab for taking time out of his extremely busy schedule to interview the stars. Hopefully they were able to shed some light in case you were on anti gay-rights. Alas, if you would like to donate to a good cause please visit the human rights campaign website or take a moment to donate to the Trevor Project or at the very least, go to a gay bar and order an apple martini, at least it will help ease the pain of discrimination.
Sebastian – Thank you. Genie, have you any words to those who are still opposed to gay marriage even in the year 2012?
Genie – Why, yes, yes I do. Really rubs me the wrong way 'Bastian…
Sebastian - Very funny, Genie.
Genie – No, but seriously, the red-state conservatives think the gays are gonna take over. Like there will suddenly be some sort of gay revolution and the homosexuals will suddenly convert straight people. That hasn't worked since Bert moved in with Ernie.
(INTERRUPTING)
Genie – Why, yes, yes I do. Really rubs me the wrong way 'Bastian…
Sebastian - Very funny, Genie.
Genie – No, but seriously, the red-state conservatives think the gays are gonna take over. Like there will suddenly be some sort of gay revolution and the homosexuals will suddenly convert straight people. That hasn't worked since Bert moved in with Ernie.
(INTERRUPTING)
Bert – What Genie?
Genie – I said you're pretty, Bert.
Bert – Oh, thank you.
Genie – Oh yeah, so the whole thing is horribly disappointing and totally unfair. I've been blue for days.
Sebastian – Thank you Genie. And now, we go to my former lover and that fish-tailed ginger, Ariel The Mermaid.
Sebastian - Hello my pet! How are you managing with the rally chant seeing as how with you were recently diagnosed with vocal nodes? Is it hampering your ability to fight for gay rights?
Ariel – (SINGS) LALALAAAAHHHH LALALALAHHHH, LALALALALALALAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!
Sebastian – Can't talk, much less chant. But you can still sing. Good for you honey. Keep fightin'! For those of you who aren't aware, in summer 2013 Ariel is pairing up with Cher and Bette Middler for the Final Final Final Farewell Tour.
Later that evening Sebastian had the pleasure of teaming up with the village's favorite hermit not crab – Belle.
Sebastian – Good evening Madame. Aren't you looking strange, but special…
Belle – Good morning Mr. Crab. I've come to chant for the gay rights people deserve.
Sebastian – It's nearly midnight. Aren't you tired of doing that yet?
Belle – Oh, but I can't stop. Hateful Republicans, corrupt politicians, a president who constantly changes his views…
Sebastian – If you like it all that much, you should consider taking office
Belle – Thank you, thank you very much. I actually considered running for office last year, but I don't think I'd do so well. I mean, I got a lot of backlash a few years ago during that whole bestiality scandal. You know the voters will use that as fodder. People will say, "She married a beast, next thing you know, she'll legalize gay marriage". I don't think it bodes well for the platform. The Southerners will surely think everyone wants to partner themselves with a big ole' bear. Come to think of it, some gays do, but that's beside the point….
Sebastian – Thank you Belle, always a pleasure. Next up, I gabbed with everyone's favorite Diva, Ms. Piggy.
Ms. Piggy – Merci, merci. Kissy, kissy.
Sebastian – Ms. Piggy, I'm surprised to see you here! I heard you were busy shooting the sequel to the Muppets movie….
Ms. Piggy – Well, actually, I was on the way to Canters just to get some pie, and I thought, eh, what the heck? Why not?
Sebastian – So, you didn't actually know there was a rally going on?
Ms. Piggy – Moi? No. It gets a little risky when I go out in public. Especially since the recent trend for eating Organic Bacon. And the paparazzi. But, now that I'm here, I have to say I think it's super important to educate the public. My fans. Some day, I plan to marry love of my life, Kermie the frog. Everyone asks us, "When are we going to tie the knot?". It's been years. I cry myself to sleep most nights. Everyone assumes Kermie has commitment issues and I'm a control freak. What they don't know Sebastian, is that in most states, it is illegal for a pig to marry a froggy even though we've been in love for decades. There are so many rights we aren't privilege to because we aren't married. If I wind up in the hospital with Swine Flu for example, my dear Kermie is not even allowed to visit me. It's criminal.
Sebastian – I'm sorry to hear that Mrs. Piggy. Thank you for your time.
Ms. Piggy – Welcome. Now please excuse me, there's a fresh apple pie with my name on it right through those doors.
Share News decided that it was also important to gain some perspective from some of the perhaps, less celebrated Disney characters. Here we have Friar Tuck, priest of Sherwood Forest, friend of Robin Hood.
Sebastian – Good evening Friar Tuck. Do you have anything to help appease the so-called "bible thumpers".
Friar Tuck – You can't pick and choose what the bible says and only follow certain rules and not abide by others. Ursula, Scar, Jafar and Hades. They're are all here tonight. They didn't necessarily follow the rules. But they weren't really sinners. Essentially, they were all just flamboyant individuals, misunderstood by the public. Later in life, they were all optioned for sequels and made millions…
Sebastian – I'm not sure I follow...
Friar Tuck – Jesus teaches us to love all.
Sebastian – Oh. I see. Well, thank you for your time.
Friar Tuck – Bless you my son.
Sebastian – Amen. Oh look, here's the Snow Queen. Snow Queen do you have any any thoughts on fighting for gay rights?
Snow Queen – No, not really. I'm just here because of the antique shop next door is having a sale. I needed a new mirror. Move!
Sebastian – Whoa. Someone's on the rag. Finally, we interviewed that lovable African warthog, Pumba. Pumba do you care to make any final comments before I wrap this up?
Pumba – HAKUNA MATATA!
Sebastian – Well, there ya have it folks, "Hakuna Matata". No worries for the rest of your days. I'm sure some evil conservatives will disagree seeing as how gays are allegedly going to rape your children, but that's neither here nor there.
In conclusion, Share Shares would like to thank Sebastian the crab for taking time out of his extremely busy schedule to interview the stars. Hopefully they were able to shed some light in case you were on anti gay-rights. Alas, if you would like to donate to a good cause please visit the human rights campaign website or take a moment to donate to the Trevor Project or at the very least, go to a gay bar and order an apple martini, at least it will help ease the pain of discrimination.
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